Apples
Apples are everywhere. Drop a handkerchief and see if it doesn’t fall on one. In Latin they’re called Malus domestica if you care. When Romeo said “a rose by any other name” etc. he didn’t know that the apple is related. Since there’s nothing else to do, people go crazy over apples.1 People go crazy over anything. Apple pie, an American symbol, is full of the stuff. There are as many apple types as there are apple cultivars. Most apple cultivars live in England, where they can get away with it. Apple enthusiasts will have you believe that consuming one per day keeps the doctor away. It does not. They’ll also tell you that apples help prevent colon cancer, prostate cancer and lung disease. If I were as dubious as an apple, I’d do my best to prevent cancer too, just to be safe. If you eat enough apple seeds you can die. Frankly I do not trust them.
France
In the 4th century AD, when nobody was looking, a tribe of Franks overran Gaul and waited around for somebody to invent escargots. It took awhile.2 The French are known for the guillotine and, more recently, an outrageous accent. They still refuse to accept the Imperial System of measurement and obstinately stick to the Metric, which is used everywhere else in the world but the United States (see previous post). You cannot tell a Parisian from a mile away, but you can from a kilometer. France officially recognizes Scientology as a cult. You can’t expect a country to get everything wrong. (In a list of French people you will find Brigitte Fossey and Simone Signoret, which occurs naturally nowhere else.)
Origami
Origami is the Japanese art of paper folding. Something has to be. You can fold all the paper you want and still not be an Origami expert.3 That takes time.4 A paper airplane is not origami. It’s kamihikoki, but still fun.
1 The people of Franklin, Pennsylvania take it even further. Can you blame them?
2 It was not worth the wait.
3 It’s also possible to be an origami theorist, but not without consequence.
4 I’m hungry.
January 30, 2008 at 4:38 pm
FUNNY